Relationships are hard and it's not something they teach you in school.

I grew up in a world where Disney princesses always had a happy ending and fairy tales were guaranteed an 'ever after' and I always imagined that maybe that's how life would be despite being the only child who wanted to be a warrior like Mulan. Ten years later and I'm hit with my own problems of settling into adulthood and not being able to understand these feelings.

I'm sitting here at 4AM in the morning typing this up because I can't seem to settle my mind and it won't sleep. Relationships are hard, don't get me wrong that shit is tougher than turtle shells and I have never heard of anyone who goes through years without a single heart wrenching fight. I just don't understand how these things end up threatening you in the end and there's nothing you can do about it but keep holding on. As much as I hold on and try to get through, I can't help but drown in my own sorrows and tears knowing that although one side holds on sometimes the other wants to let go. I have countless times thought about getting up and leaving in previous relationships but I'm a fighter, I don't believe in throwing away things that could be fixed. When a light bulb goes out in your house you don't go and buy a new house, you change the light bulb.

Maybe the problem is within me. Maybe I care too much about people and have too much to give to those who don't give any nuts about me. But I've been told not to blame myself for relationships never working out, a relationship doesn't work out because both parties can't compromise. "Don't beat yourself over it."

It's the worst when your own parents are meant to be the ones who help you find your way through these sort of things. Mine are constantly telling me that all men are evil because they can get you pregnant and take your money and leave you. The most typical Asian statements, if you will.

It's hard to find that one person who is willing to fight for it as much as you are. Maybe I'm still too young to understand my feelings...or maybe I don't know how to love myself enough to learn how to love someone else? I don't know. Why do they not teach you Relationships 101?